Monday, 8 February 2016

The St. Valentine’s Day will be celebrated globally
on Sunday, February 14. The event began as a
liturgical celebration of one or more early Christian
saints named Valentinus. It is an official feast day
in the Anglican Communion, as well as in the
Lutheran Church.
The event, also known as the Feast of St Valentine,
is a celebration of love observed in many
countries around the world. Initially, it was
associated with romantic love in the circle of
Geoffrey Chaucer when the tradition of courtly love
flourished in the middle ages.
In the 18th century England, St. Valentine’s Day
evolved into an occasion in which lovers
expressed their love for each other by presenting
flowers, offering confectionery and sending
greeting cards (known as ‘Valentines’).
Anyway, that’s all good and well. Let us talk about
romance, love, sex and why wearing a condom
can be extremely bad for you on that day.
I was at the doctor’s clinic the other day with my
farting problem. I said to him, “I fart all the time!
But the good part is that ‘they’ are silent and they
don’t smell. So, nobody knows. Ever since I
stepped into your clinic, I have farted about 20
times and nobody noticed.” He gave me some
medicine and told me to come after a week.
A week later, I went fuming to his office and said,
“What kind of medicine was that? Now my farts
stink like hell! The good thing is that they are still
silent. So, nobody knows I did it.”
Now, the doctor calmly replied, “Okay, so your
nose infection is cleared. Next, I will give you
medicine for your ears.”
Prevention of infection
For those who have ears, please listen carefully.
Condoms prevent sexually transmitted infections.
You have to wear it before sexual intercourse and
be strict about not allowing bodily fluid from your
partner anywhere near your sex organ. It prevents
infections like gonorrhoea, herpes, herpatitis B and
C, syphilis and, of course, HIV.
The thing about not using protection is that you
risk catching an infection. You risk passing an
infection to your partner. Don’t forget that our
bodies are vastly different and a germ that may be
local and friendly to you (not giving you any
symptoms or problems) may be dangerous to your
partner. So, using a condom protects you and your
partner.
If you don’t want to protect yourself, then you are
playing the game, ‘Passemon’. The sexually
transmitted infection trading game! This game is a
new craze that is sweeping bedrooms across
nations. Have you got chlamydimander ? How
about herpesaur ? Or even gonococcus ? Collect
and swap them now with your friends!
So, St. Valentine’s Day is a great time to catch as
many infections as possible. It will guarantee a
visit to the doctors in March with a nasty urinary
tract infection, a cold sore, itchy vagina full of
smelly discharge, a penis clothed with warts and a
possible positive HIV test.
The St. Valentine’s Day could be the best, most
romantic and funniest ever as long as you do not
let it go to your head. Lose your heart, but don’t
lose your head. You should be smart and avoid
situations that lead to problems when morning
comes. Take this case, for example: A chap
thought it would be pretty funny putting a pin
through all of his best friends’ condoms. It did
seem like a good idea at the time. Unfortunately, it
seriously backfired when he found out his own
wife was pregnant. For the best friend!
Prevention of pregnancy
Wearing a good condom on St. Valentine’s Day
could be an effective way of preventing pregnancy
and therefore limiting your chances of having a
baby by Christmas. Among the Yoruba, a
December baby is rather special and likely to be
called, ‘Abiodun’, just like yours truly.
Studies have suggested that babies born around
November and December are better behaved and
more intelligent than those born in the summer
months.
Scientists at both Harvard and Queensland
(Australia) universities took a look at the statistics
and found that children born in November and
December tended to be longer at birth than those
born in the summer. By the age of seven, the
winter-born kids were heavier, taller, and had
larger head circumference than their peers. This
means that if you want to give birth to an astronaut
or a rocket scientist, ditch the condom in February
and March. Also, ensure your partner stops taking
contraceptive pills from now. No point climbing two
mountains in one night.
NB: The morning after pill is currently the safest
way to prevent pregnancy after unprotected sexual
intercourse or contraception failure, with low
incidence of side effects. It is very unlikely that you
will have any serious or long-term side effects
after taking it. If you do want to prevent having a
December baby, then rush to your local chemist on
Monday 15 and get ‘Postinor’.

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